Finding Your Own (Slightly) Club Med

 

Well, this is fun! 

In last week’s edition, I mentioned that retirement homes are considered by many to be your last stop in life. People when you confess your new living arrangements look at you with barely concealed pity, mixed with slight shudders. Will they end up in the same sad “fate?” 

Decisions, decisions...

For some reason it’s the same online. After last week’s blog  I had many emails expressing  shock at my decision to live in an independent living situation. Curiosity. Sadness. Bewilderment.  

After all, some folks have known me and my writing for many years. I guess this new step in living is part of me confronting the fact that life changes happen. 

Newsflash! 

Changes come fast and furious as you age! So amazing. So much to deal with. Such different perspectives that occupy your mind, if it isn’t in the process of being clouded by dementia. No one really knows what’s happening to others at that point. After all, not all dementia symptoms are created equal. There aren’t any dementia folks at my facility. Remember, it’s independent living.

There’s lots to love about being in my new situation. I’ve not met one person  who isn’t extremely grateful and proud to live here. Everyone lives here because of their life circumstances. Mostly it’s because of a bereavement in their lives that made them unable to continue living in their habitual ways. A few, like me, decide to jump in the deep end and learn to swim. 

Carolyn: Artist, friend to many, 7-year resident

One such person here started as one of my table mates, and has become a much-admired friend. She is 94, an ex-teacher, who used to ride a horse to a rural school for her classes. Carolyn has a wicked sense of humour, a deep appreciation of life, and loves to incorporate swear words into her conversation, “for emphasis” as she says. 

My friend, Carolyn, pictured in our diner/commercial kitchen area. The more formal dining room is one floor up.

She tried marriage once, as a very young girl. After ten years she decided it wasn’t for her, and divorced. After several more years she thought maybe it wasn’t as bad as she remembered and married again. It was. After another ten years she divorced. 

Now she has macular degeneration and a hearing deficit. But she also has a passion for both music and art. Go into her suite, and you are assailed by her wonderful paintings and numerous artistic model ships made from found pieces of bark and twigs. She has all the drawings for a children’s book that she plans. She just has to tell me the story!

Some snippets from this great artist 

Carolyn--the artist at work in her den

A small sample of her glorious art

Landscape–such a different mood

Interpretation of family kids as they’d look in a band

A collage of multimedia pieces

A singular multimedia piece

This is the wonderful thing about living in a caring, loving independent living facility. The major rule here is that you should feel happy, enjoying each day as you choose. Kindness to others is a given.

Choose a home that’s well established and has staff who’ve been in it for a long time. Many of the staff have been here for 4-7 years, and even longer.

You have time to enjoy your hobbies or work. You just show up for meals, no dishes to wash, no planning. No building maintenance, no taxes. Just concern for you and pampering if you need it. Hugs are always encouraged.

This is your very own quasi Club Med.

Edible eye-candy

In keeping with her free spirit, this year Carolyn has carefully tended an extravagant mixture of pumpkins, squash, runner beans, sweet peas, trumpet vine and other assorted flowering plants. This is guaranteed to fill your heart with joy and wonder. If you’re a humming bird it is pure delight.

Thank you!

Your comments and questions on this post are always appreciated and add to interest! Many thanks for coming here. Want to be notified when I write a post? Hit Subscribe and you’ll go on my weekly mailing list. It’s free, and I’m not selling you anything!

VickiW

Retirement Home Living: Is it easy?

 

The decision

I never thought I’d end up in my eighties renting a space in an independent living facility. It sounds so bleak, when you think of it that way.

There might be no better way to come fair and square against the circumstances that have brought you here. It gives you a gentle and very different look at the reality your own life. Everyone here is here because of life circumstances. Suddenly a new life appears in front of you.. If you had one in which every day you  became a caregiver, that’s gone. Isolation at home? That’s gone too. Your circumstances can be good, bad or very ugly. Up to you how you deal with being ripped from your routine.

Routine

In my facility your ordered breakfast is brought to you each day, much nicer than you used to make. Beautiful lunches and dinners served by folks who love their jobs and the residents. No dishes to wash, so your cute little dishwasher (just in case you decided to do some cooking) gets fairly minimal use.

What is independent living?

Let’s face it....

It’s a four-story, fairly large building, situated next to a busy highway. It used to consist of apartments, so essentially I have a full kitchen, combined dining/ living room, my own washer and dryer, and a den that I use as an office. There’s a bedroom, big enough for a single bed. 

When you go into independent retirement living you’re literally thrust into a situation where you make numerous considered daily choices to try and regain a certain balance in your life. You’re living in private, yet your meals and some activities are shared with 64 others. They don’t have to be; you can decide to retreat into your space with your food. But the downside of that is you may be losing out on making some really great friends.

The social scene

We have what can only be described as a large living room beyond the entrance to my independent living home building. Comfy, soft,  light coloured ( I don’t have to worry about cleaning them, thank goodness) chairs and sofas that invite you in, against  a backdrop of library books, and a pedal machine that you can use while reading, or whatever else.  

To complete this social space is a barista machine. Starbucks, eat your heart out. We can get any fancy drinks, or plain, at the touch of buttons, and they’re all free! A Our cooks provide cookies and other pastries, for residents, just in case you may need a snack before the next meal time.

A big basket of fresh fruit completes the picture.

Image via VickiW

Chatting to new friends is always good and interesting too. 

What do you think?

I’ve been here now for several months. Before I decided to try this independent style of living my mind had a preconceived opinion that it was one of many similar places that  folks would go to die. Yep, time to cast the old folks out and confine them to a shut in space. Out of sight, out of mind, until the funeral.

Reinforcing this idea is common in our population. It’s an unfortunate truth that our bodies do weaken in many respects as they age. Added to this is the annoyance of not being able to continue working for a wage. Often instead, you’re relegated to simply trying to make life less boring in your home, and realizing you need help with things you managed easily before.

Stay healthy!

I’m guessing though that folks don’t realize the difference between independent living and assisted living places. A qualifying mandatory medical examination by your doctor helps you understand whether you can manage this change in your living style.

Love the charity shop I’ve used to furnish this new living space! I had my original own bed, and my own recliner chair. Beyond this I was able to buy everything ( top quality) in the furnishings needed for less than $400. That didn’t include a brand new smart TV, a gift from my loving family. 

How much space do you need?

My space here is  smaller than I was used to. No question that being open and willing  to downsize is valuable, and can be a remarkably freeing experience. Just like most folks living in the outside world, you’re seeking happiness in your day to day life. But you’re the only one able to find it. It’s your very own Yin and Yang. 

Where’s the happiness?

Your happiness is unique to you. It helps to start finding it if you are able to define what you need as against what you’d like to keep. In my case for this move  I’ve stuck to this philosophy. So many things I thought I needed in the past have been donated to charity. No doubt they will fill the needs of others. 

There’s a lot to unpack here about independent living. If this interests you I’d love you to subscribe (it’s free!). That way you’ll be on my mailing newsletter each week.

Coming along beautifully!

Remember the spindly little acorn squash I put in my independent living garden bed in July after getting here? It grew! Looks like I’ll end up with four or five squash for Thanksgiving and overwintering.

July 21, planted in half my garden space

Same plant today

The other news about this is I harvested two of these lovely squash today. They will now be kept dry and warm on my little balcony before storing inside.

I knew they were mature because their skin is so hard my fingernail couldn’t penetrate! I made sure to cut a long enough piece of their withered stems that no unwelcome bacteria could enter them.

Images via VickiW

Thank you!

As always, many thanks for visiting and reading my posts, and I encourage you to share your thoughts on this week's subject in the comments!

VickiW

How’s YOUR retirement coming along?

 

Image via geralt of Pixabay

Do you think about it?

What are your first thoughts when you hear “retirement home?” Do you ever contemplate ending up in one of them? Is that a slight shudder, as we even think about such a situation for ourselves? 

Usually you think of these places as sort of warehouses for old people who’re no longer able to make any meaningful contribution to society. Indeed, unfortunately that seems often to be the case. You hear about huge tragedies like those during Covid-19 when it first went on the relentless rampage, killing many residents in care facilities.

It’s enough to make you fiercely determined to stay in your own home, no matter what happens in your life. You don’t want to be one of those poor individuals we’ve just mentioned, helpless, a sitting duck waiting for death in a prison.

But think about it. Can your house actually be a prison of your own making? Maybe your own home isn’t actually the best solution for someone who is infirm, might need lots of help, may have to even redesign your living space just so you can manage each day. 

Image via qimono of Pixabay

All the stuff

Usually homes come with stuff accumulated over the years. Have you used your stuff in the last year? Yeah, your very own house is lovely. You’ve poured all kinds of love and care into it. Of course that was when you were a lot younger. These days you’re dependent upon other young bodies to help you when you just can’t quite manage that home. 

These days you have to evaluate your movements carefully. If you kneel down anywhere, for any purpose, will you be able to get up again? It’s a problem. Can you move furniture around? Mop the floors? Do the laundry, make the bed? Joyfully set out on a lovely morning to attack the weeds in your garden?

If the answers to these questions are negative, I’m going to encourage you to change your perception. Lay it out. Start asking some questions of yourself. What do you want the rest of your life to look like?

You’ll notice many of the tasks above fall into the mundane or manual worker category. It happens. Over the years, with household needs, you’ve become a servant, nurse, cook, manager. 24/7. It happens slowly. You accept your role as a loving and responsible partner to someone who is quite happy with the situation. A narcissist. 

It’s important to know what that word means. Just in case you know one. Seems there are lots of me, me folks around us.

Via Lewis Huckstep of YouTube

Worth considering

So do some thinking, guys and gals. Do you really need a house of your own? Or can it be wiser, as you consider your needs, your ambitions, your joy in life, to consider really turning everything upside down? Selling, leaving a situation, donating your stuff, and possibly renting.

That is a major consideration these days. Rental accommodation, the kind you’d like, is overpriced and very hard to find. So you’d better have your ducks in a row if you plan to up stakes, have a good nest egg from your property, and be willing to do the hard things when it comes to moving. It isn’t easy.

There’s one kind of rental that you can miss, as you’re not looking for it. It’s the independent living, in a retirement building. Yes, the same type that gave you the shudders in my first paragraph here.

Independent retired living rental is not like assisted living, where you do need some help with bodily functions. You have to be able to manage. You pay a fixed amount each month. That pretty well covers everything you need. If you’re strapped for cash, you may even qualify for some government assistance.

If you find the right place it will probably be a well established slightly older building. The residents and staff will be very long term. That means everyone is happy and friendly. That’s the only kind of place you need to consider. 

The one I’m now familiar with brings breakfast to a little table outside your room. Then there are another two gourmet meals supplied throughout the day. Suddenly you’re living in a whole different world. It’s the one where you dreamed of more often getting, instead of always giving. Lots of social interaction…or none, according to your choice.

NO BREAKFAST-Early golf, thanks!

Image via VickiW

Creatives

If you’re a writer, all of a sudden you’re in a situation where you can write anytime, under any circumstances you choose, without interruption. This applies to other work or play situations too!

I always love your comments. They encourage more writing work from me. So thank you for reading here, and may you enjoy your life, in whichever way you choose it to be. 

Garden to kitchen!

Carrot muffins, still slightly warm from the oven, appeared on the breakfast menu this morning. Yesterday there were fruit scones, with raspberries donated from one of the resident’s garden. 

Anyone can reserve a generous garden bed, and grow their own particular delight. Sharing is caring!

Image via VickiW

Going Solo: Is this time to jump on an ice floe?

 

Image by Pexels from Pixabay

Transitions

The stages of life are interesting. As you go through them each one leads to more knowledge of the lifetime you’ve been blessed to have, or, in war torn countries, the cursed and awful reality of it all.

Some lives are short, others last about a century. The fascinating thing about the stages though is you don’t really know about each one before experiencing it. 

Then you look back at the one you’ve just passed through, and congratulate yourself at how much more advanced you are these days.

The older you get the more mysterious you become. You’re being judged by those younger than you, and they’re all wondering how and why you keep on living. From their perspective, getting older is like actually lurking around the gates of hell. 

Is it a must?

Seriously, what’s the sense of living if your fingers aren’t nimble enough to operate your smart phone with ease? If you can’t plug in your printer because you know you can’t get up once you get down?

Image via krapalm of Pixabay

Or if you can actually live quite happily without being ruled by screens of some kind each and every day? 

Yeah, we, the older folks come from earlier places where the “global village” wasn’t yet thought of.

Where monks in remote places used to spend many happy hours in silent prayer with their Being. 

Now of course they have smart phones just like anyone else. These allow them not only to do their prayer jobs with much more efficiency, but also to be wide-ranging in this world of high tech everywhere. And so it goes. 

The global village 

...has morphed into a global screen catastrophe. Infants, often less than 12 months of age, are mesmerized by TVs, phones and handy other devices everywhere they go. 

The amount of vicious, tragic daily harm visited on each other in this world is startling. Where’s the feeling for the pain of others? 

Ever wondered why brain scientists and the World Health Organization recommend NO screen time for babies under two, and only one hour a day for those aged two to four years old? 

There is a lot of brain study research on screen use during these early years. What it clearly shows is that learning from other humans in a child’s life is massive. Learning from machines is quite different. 

The big concern is how screen learning hijacks attention spans and compassion in children. That young brain needs time to process learning. When you read to a child they have that time as they listen to your voice. This does not happen when a child watches rapid, unrealistic movements on a screen.

When they hear you talk of kindness to others, and see you demonstrate it in your daily life it is a powerful example. As they observe your resilience when hard things happen and you rise above it they know they can do the hard things too. 

Possibly one of the greatest things you can do for a child is interact with them as an interested older person. 

Yeah, I know. We thought we’d done our share. But we hadn’t counted on screens and technology. 

After all, these youngsters will inevitably run your country one day. 

If they didn’t learn to focus, analyze and develop compassion for you in your older years, the future looks quite bleak for you. 

I know. When you become of the senior persuasion you should try not to inconvenience the beautiful young ones with the bodies that still work as they should. 

Image via Myrians-Fotos of Pixabay

To be completely honest, for me to jump on an ice floe and make a graceful exit by starvation doesn’t exactly appeal to me. 

Golden era

Selfishly, in my latter years I would like to be pampered, respected and loved. I’ve managed to outlive many so far, and enjoy weird things, like being alone at times, reading an actual book, observing what’s happening up in the skies without actually traveling, going for walks, admiring all forms of nature. And yes, appreciating technology that allows me to communicate this to you. 

Would I have ended up being this me, if I’d been exposed to screens in my very early life? We’ll never know. 

One of my newer friends, 94 years of age, revealed the secret of her long life to me. “Lots of sugar, lots of salt. Lots of laughter.” She said it with a twinkle in her macular-degenerated eyes. Humour. That’s another thing you only learn from others during your early years.

Lithops in recovery mode

Whether you’re plant or animal, it’s a tough going to reproduce your species. Particularly if the slightest wrong move means your death.

 

Here’s a week's progress in the poor little collection of lithops I presented last week. 

Those young ones are bursting out at the lower levels. They really dislike the overstretched parenting examples they’ve been forced to live with. They’ve started to extract all the moisture from them. 

Thanks...

I sincerely appreciate your company on this journey and looking forward to having you back again soon.

VickiW

It’s good to be good, to your aging self

 

A somewhat embarrassing, yet necessary post

It’s been a while and I realize I'm out of practice in compiling a post. The weeks have gone by, almost unnoticed and my writing routine seemed to disappear into the grey beyond. 

My apologies to all of you who have steadily remained, waiting for me to write again. Friends texting, emailing, calling. I owe you all a debt of gratitude.

For many of us, when we live together for a couple decades, we often think we know the main person in our life. We forgive and forget the occasional craziness they show. In my case, with me at 80 years of age, and he at 91, I realize we’ve both been occasionally guilty of the same weird compulsions, although I must emphasize, in my case. I like to think much less often.

Life chugs on with a daily monotony that’s sometimes even comforting in its simplicity. No more travelling, unless it’s a walk downstairs, taking our garbage in the white bags, recycling in the blue ones, and kitchen scraps in the brown recyclable ones, to their assigned bins.

The years train us...

We learn how to bring out the compassion in our hearts, when needed. We tell ourselves, often on a daily basis, that things could be so much worse. That’s true. It’s an indisputable fact of life, and it’s an aspect that often qualifies for dull and boring.

But darn it, I don’t want boring! I crave better, but better has been elusive.  

Challenging transitions

Last year was a hard one. Moving away from much-loved friends and activities was painful indeed. On the plus side, my beloved family was suddenly close. That made it a good move. That has not changed, and I love it.

Things strike us down, when we get more mature. Forget the ridiculous business of “aging can be like becoming fine wine or the best, Parmesan cheese.” No, not unless we’re willing to go the heavily Botoxed route, and keep it up.

Not much to get excited over

We become painfully aware of our body’s shortcomings, and let’s not talk about the forgetfulness that besets us all of a sudden! Maybe it’s not that sudden…I forget when it started.…

Illness can strike with or without warning, and it can be serious enough to be life-threatening. It can mean the end, creeping on to the end or fighting on, out of sheer cussedness. 

Yeah, illness can suddenly become a very big deal!

We get texted invitations from our government advising to get yet another Covid shot. We’re in a vulnerable age apparently. Should we, or shouldn’t we?

After all, at least for me, there’s the unpleasant memory still lurking of a leg clot that took a year to recover from after contracting Covid-19…

As if all this wasn’t enough, I discovered my spouse wasn’t exactly who he’d professed to be, for all these years. 

I know it happens a lot with illness during the latter years, but this is different. Changing his will behind my back, nary a word said, was just a step too far over the proverbial red line. After all, this was our financial future, and I thought we’d been building it together for the years to come.  

This filing cabinet discovery meant there was only one option, and forgiveness didn’t even count. Trust had gone, never to return. 

The painful, yet necessary steps included separation and divorce. 

I immediately started legal proceedings.

Recently, I heard a female physician, 103 years old, describe the worst event in her life. She and her husband had been married 46 years. They did everything together, even down to writing books. 

One day, out of the blue, he asked her for a divorce. She was completely shattered. She screamed and cried. Years passed while she rose from the ashes of her marriage and built a career for herself. 

After another interval, with her new-found appreciation of her abilities she wrote a kind letter to her ex, thanking him for freeing her to grasp all the new opportunities in her life.

I’m looking forward to writing a similar letter of gratitude. 

Micro-Gardening: Glorious flowers everywhere! 

It’s worthwhile considering, even with the best of care, weather can be changeable and cause havoc in the plant world. 

This week I’ve noticed some pretty startling changes in my lithops succulents. 

Like a lot of other things in my life, they had been somewhat neglected. They didn’t get enough sunshine and stretched out to try and find it.  

This does provide us with an example of what plant-world determination can do to prevent catastrophe.

Image via VickiW

See the long one touching the label? The new one under it is determined to end up in its right place.

All of these lithops (living stones) are dividing and will look very different soon. They evolved in this way to protect themselves from animal predators in the desert of Namibia.

Thanks!

If you've experienced a sudden life change that forced you into a new normal, please share your experience in the comments. Even anonymous comments are welcome! VickiW