Finding Your Own (Slightly) Club Med

 

Well, this is fun! 

In last week’s edition, I mentioned that retirement homes are considered by many to be your last stop in life. People when you confess your new living arrangements look at you with barely concealed pity, mixed with slight shudders. Will they end up in the same sad “fate?” 

Decisions, decisions...

For some reason it’s the same online. After last week’s blog  I had many emails expressing  shock at my decision to live in an independent living situation. Curiosity. Sadness. Bewilderment.  

After all, some folks have known me and my writing for many years. I guess this new step in living is part of me confronting the fact that life changes happen. 

Newsflash! 

Changes come fast and furious as you age! So amazing. So much to deal with. Such different perspectives that occupy your mind, if it isn’t in the process of being clouded by dementia. No one really knows what’s happening to others at that point. After all, not all dementia symptoms are created equal. There aren’t any dementia folks at my facility. Remember, it’s independent living.

There’s lots to love about being in my new situation. I’ve not met one person  who isn’t extremely grateful and proud to live here. Everyone lives here because of their life circumstances. Mostly it’s because of a bereavement in their lives that made them unable to continue living in their habitual ways. A few, like me, decide to jump in the deep end and learn to swim. 

Carolyn: Artist, friend to many, 7-year resident

One such person here started as one of my table mates, and has become a much-admired friend. She is 94, an ex-teacher, who used to ride a horse to a rural school for her classes. Carolyn has a wicked sense of humour, a deep appreciation of life, and loves to incorporate swear words into her conversation, “for emphasis” as she says. 

My friend, Carolyn, pictured in our diner/commercial kitchen area. The more formal dining room is one floor up.

She tried marriage once, as a very young girl. After ten years she decided it wasn’t for her, and divorced. After several more years she thought maybe it wasn’t as bad as she remembered and married again. It was. After another ten years she divorced. 

Now she has macular degeneration and a hearing deficit. But she also has a passion for both music and art. Go into her suite, and you are assailed by her wonderful paintings and numerous artistic model ships made from found pieces of bark and twigs. She has all the drawings for a children’s book that she plans. She just has to tell me the story!

Some snippets from this great artist 

Carolyn--the artist at work in her den

A small sample of her glorious art

Landscape–such a different mood

Interpretation of family kids as they’d look in a band

A collage of multimedia pieces

A singular multimedia piece

This is the wonderful thing about living in a caring, loving independent living facility. The major rule here is that you should feel happy, enjoying each day as you choose. Kindness to others is a given.

Choose a home that’s well established and has staff who’ve been in it for a long time. Many of the staff have been here for 4-7 years, and even longer.

You have time to enjoy your hobbies or work. You just show up for meals, no dishes to wash, no planning. No building maintenance, no taxes. Just concern for you and pampering if you need it. Hugs are always encouraged.

This is your very own quasi Club Med.

Edible eye-candy

In keeping with her free spirit, this year Carolyn has carefully tended an extravagant mixture of pumpkins, squash, runner beans, sweet peas, trumpet vine and other assorted flowering plants. This is guaranteed to fill your heart with joy and wonder. If you’re a humming bird it is pure delight.

Thank you!

Your comments and questions on this post are always appreciated and add to interest! Many thanks for coming here. Want to be notified when I write a post? Hit Subscribe and you’ll go on my weekly mailing list. It’s free, and I’m not selling you anything!

VickiW

Retirement Home Living: Is it easy?

 

The decision

I never thought I’d end up in my eighties renting a space in an independent living facility. It sounds so bleak, when you think of it that way.

There might be no better way to come fair and square against the circumstances that have brought you here. It gives you a gentle and very different look at the reality your own life. Everyone here is here because of life circumstances. Suddenly a new life appears in front of you.. If you had one in which every day you  became a caregiver, that’s gone. Isolation at home? That’s gone too. Your circumstances can be good, bad or very ugly. Up to you how you deal with being ripped from your routine.

Routine

In my facility your ordered breakfast is brought to you each day, much nicer than you used to make. Beautiful lunches and dinners served by folks who love their jobs and the residents. No dishes to wash, so your cute little dishwasher (just in case you decided to do some cooking) gets fairly minimal use.

What is independent living?

Let’s face it....

It’s a four-story, fairly large building, situated next to a busy highway. It used to consist of apartments, so essentially I have a full kitchen, combined dining/ living room, my own washer and dryer, and a den that I use as an office. There’s a bedroom, big enough for a single bed. 

When you go into independent retirement living you’re literally thrust into a situation where you make numerous considered daily choices to try and regain a certain balance in your life. You’re living in private, yet your meals and some activities are shared with 64 others. They don’t have to be; you can decide to retreat into your space with your food. But the downside of that is you may be losing out on making some really great friends.

The social scene

We have what can only be described as a large living room beyond the entrance to my independent living home building. Comfy, soft,  light coloured ( I don’t have to worry about cleaning them, thank goodness) chairs and sofas that invite you in, against  a backdrop of library books, and a pedal machine that you can use while reading, or whatever else.  

To complete this social space is a barista machine. Starbucks, eat your heart out. We can get any fancy drinks, or plain, at the touch of buttons, and they’re all free! A Our cooks provide cookies and other pastries, for residents, just in case you may need a snack before the next meal time.

A big basket of fresh fruit completes the picture.

Image via VickiW

Chatting to new friends is always good and interesting too. 

What do you think?

I’ve been here now for several months. Before I decided to try this independent style of living my mind had a preconceived opinion that it was one of many similar places that  folks would go to die. Yep, time to cast the old folks out and confine them to a shut in space. Out of sight, out of mind, until the funeral.

Reinforcing this idea is common in our population. It’s an unfortunate truth that our bodies do weaken in many respects as they age. Added to this is the annoyance of not being able to continue working for a wage. Often instead, you’re relegated to simply trying to make life less boring in your home, and realizing you need help with things you managed easily before.

Stay healthy!

I’m guessing though that folks don’t realize the difference between independent living and assisted living places. A qualifying mandatory medical examination by your doctor helps you understand whether you can manage this change in your living style.

Love the charity shop I’ve used to furnish this new living space! I had my original own bed, and my own recliner chair. Beyond this I was able to buy everything ( top quality) in the furnishings needed for less than $400. That didn’t include a brand new smart TV, a gift from my loving family. 

How much space do you need?

My space here is  smaller than I was used to. No question that being open and willing  to downsize is valuable, and can be a remarkably freeing experience. Just like most folks living in the outside world, you’re seeking happiness in your day to day life. But you’re the only one able to find it. It’s your very own Yin and Yang. 

Where’s the happiness?

Your happiness is unique to you. It helps to start finding it if you are able to define what you need as against what you’d like to keep. In my case for this move  I’ve stuck to this philosophy. So many things I thought I needed in the past have been donated to charity. No doubt they will fill the needs of others. 

There’s a lot to unpack here about independent living. If this interests you I’d love you to subscribe (it’s free!). That way you’ll be on my mailing newsletter each week.

Coming along beautifully!

Remember the spindly little acorn squash I put in my independent living garden bed in July after getting here? It grew! Looks like I’ll end up with four or five squash for Thanksgiving and overwintering.

July 21, planted in half my garden space

Same plant today

The other news about this is I harvested two of these lovely squash today. They will now be kept dry and warm on my little balcony before storing inside.

I knew they were mature because their skin is so hard my fingernail couldn’t penetrate! I made sure to cut a long enough piece of their withered stems that no unwelcome bacteria could enter them.

Images via VickiW

Thank you!

As always, many thanks for visiting and reading my posts, and I encourage you to share your thoughts on this week's subject in the comments!

VickiW

How’s YOUR retirement coming along?

 

Image via geralt of Pixabay

Do you think about it?

What are your first thoughts when you hear “retirement home?” Do you ever contemplate ending up in one of them? Is that a slight shudder, as we even think about such a situation for ourselves? 

Usually you think of these places as sort of warehouses for old people who’re no longer able to make any meaningful contribution to society. Indeed, unfortunately that seems often to be the case. You hear about huge tragedies like those during Covid-19 when it first went on the relentless rampage, killing many residents in care facilities.

It’s enough to make you fiercely determined to stay in your own home, no matter what happens in your life. You don’t want to be one of those poor individuals we’ve just mentioned, helpless, a sitting duck waiting for death in a prison.

But think about it. Can your house actually be a prison of your own making? Maybe your own home isn’t actually the best solution for someone who is infirm, might need lots of help, may have to even redesign your living space just so you can manage each day. 

Image via qimono of Pixabay

All the stuff

Usually homes come with stuff accumulated over the years. Have you used your stuff in the last year? Yeah, your very own house is lovely. You’ve poured all kinds of love and care into it. Of course that was when you were a lot younger. These days you’re dependent upon other young bodies to help you when you just can’t quite manage that home. 

These days you have to evaluate your movements carefully. If you kneel down anywhere, for any purpose, will you be able to get up again? It’s a problem. Can you move furniture around? Mop the floors? Do the laundry, make the bed? Joyfully set out on a lovely morning to attack the weeds in your garden?

If the answers to these questions are negative, I’m going to encourage you to change your perception. Lay it out. Start asking some questions of yourself. What do you want the rest of your life to look like?

You’ll notice many of the tasks above fall into the mundane or manual worker category. It happens. Over the years, with household needs, you’ve become a servant, nurse, cook, manager. 24/7. It happens slowly. You accept your role as a loving and responsible partner to someone who is quite happy with the situation. A narcissist. 

It’s important to know what that word means. Just in case you know one. Seems there are lots of me, me folks around us.

Via Lewis Huckstep of YouTube

Worth considering

So do some thinking, guys and gals. Do you really need a house of your own? Or can it be wiser, as you consider your needs, your ambitions, your joy in life, to consider really turning everything upside down? Selling, leaving a situation, donating your stuff, and possibly renting.

That is a major consideration these days. Rental accommodation, the kind you’d like, is overpriced and very hard to find. So you’d better have your ducks in a row if you plan to up stakes, have a good nest egg from your property, and be willing to do the hard things when it comes to moving. It isn’t easy.

There’s one kind of rental that you can miss, as you’re not looking for it. It’s the independent living, in a retirement building. Yes, the same type that gave you the shudders in my first paragraph here.

Independent retired living rental is not like assisted living, where you do need some help with bodily functions. You have to be able to manage. You pay a fixed amount each month. That pretty well covers everything you need. If you’re strapped for cash, you may even qualify for some government assistance.

If you find the right place it will probably be a well established slightly older building. The residents and staff will be very long term. That means everyone is happy and friendly. That’s the only kind of place you need to consider. 

The one I’m now familiar with brings breakfast to a little table outside your room. Then there are another two gourmet meals supplied throughout the day. Suddenly you’re living in a whole different world. It’s the one where you dreamed of more often getting, instead of always giving. Lots of social interaction…or none, according to your choice.

NO BREAKFAST-Early golf, thanks!

Image via VickiW

Creatives

If you’re a writer, all of a sudden you’re in a situation where you can write anytime, under any circumstances you choose, without interruption. This applies to other work or play situations too!

I always love your comments. They encourage more writing work from me. So thank you for reading here, and may you enjoy your life, in whichever way you choose it to be. 

Garden to kitchen!

Carrot muffins, still slightly warm from the oven, appeared on the breakfast menu this morning. Yesterday there were fruit scones, with raspberries donated from one of the resident’s garden. 

Anyone can reserve a generous garden bed, and grow their own particular delight. Sharing is caring!

Image via VickiW