Finding Your Own (Slightly) Club Med

 

Well, this is fun! 

In last week’s edition, I mentioned that retirement homes are considered by many to be your last stop in life. People when you confess your new living arrangements look at you with barely concealed pity, mixed with slight shudders. Will they end up in the same sad “fate?” 

Decisions, decisions...

For some reason it’s the same online. After last week’s blog  I had many emails expressing  shock at my decision to live in an independent living situation. Curiosity. Sadness. Bewilderment.  

After all, some folks have known me and my writing for many years. I guess this new step in living is part of me confronting the fact that life changes happen. 

Newsflash! 

Changes come fast and furious as you age! So amazing. So much to deal with. Such different perspectives that occupy your mind, if it isn’t in the process of being clouded by dementia. No one really knows what’s happening to others at that point. After all, not all dementia symptoms are created equal. There aren’t any dementia folks at my facility. Remember, it’s independent living.

There’s lots to love about being in my new situation. I’ve not met one person  who isn’t extremely grateful and proud to live here. Everyone lives here because of their life circumstances. Mostly it’s because of a bereavement in their lives that made them unable to continue living in their habitual ways. A few, like me, decide to jump in the deep end and learn to swim. 

Carolyn: Artist, friend to many, 7-year resident

One such person here started as one of my table mates, and has become a much-admired friend. She is 94, an ex-teacher, who used to ride a horse to a rural school for her classes. Carolyn has a wicked sense of humour, a deep appreciation of life, and loves to incorporate swear words into her conversation, “for emphasis” as she says. 

My friend, Carolyn, pictured in our diner/commercial kitchen area. The more formal dining room is one floor up.

She tried marriage once, as a very young girl. After ten years she decided it wasn’t for her, and divorced. After several more years she thought maybe it wasn’t as bad as she remembered and married again. It was. After another ten years she divorced. 

Now she has macular degeneration and a hearing deficit. But she also has a passion for both music and art. Go into her suite, and you are assailed by her wonderful paintings and numerous artistic model ships made from found pieces of bark and twigs. She has all the drawings for a children’s book that she plans. She just has to tell me the story!

Some snippets from this great artist 

Carolyn--the artist at work in her den

A small sample of her glorious art

Landscape–such a different mood

Interpretation of family kids as they’d look in a band

A collage of multimedia pieces

A singular multimedia piece

This is the wonderful thing about living in a caring, loving independent living facility. The major rule here is that you should feel happy, enjoying each day as you choose. Kindness to others is a given.

Choose a home that’s well established and has staff who’ve been in it for a long time. Many of the staff have been here for 4-7 years, and even longer.

You have time to enjoy your hobbies or work. You just show up for meals, no dishes to wash, no planning. No building maintenance, no taxes. Just concern for you and pampering if you need it. Hugs are always encouraged.

This is your very own quasi Club Med.

Edible eye-candy

In keeping with her free spirit, this year Carolyn has carefully tended an extravagant mixture of pumpkins, squash, runner beans, sweet peas, trumpet vine and other assorted flowering plants. This is guaranteed to fill your heart with joy and wonder. If you’re a humming bird it is pure delight.

Thank you!

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VickiW

Retirement Home Living: Is it easy?

 

The decision

I never thought I’d end up in my eighties renting a space in an independent living facility. It sounds so bleak, when you think of it that way.

There might be no better way to come fair and square against the circumstances that have brought you here. It gives you a gentle and very different look at the reality your own life. Everyone here is here because of life circumstances. Suddenly a new life appears in front of you.. If you had one in which every day you  became a caregiver, that’s gone. Isolation at home? That’s gone too. Your circumstances can be good, bad or very ugly. Up to you how you deal with being ripped from your routine.

Routine

In my facility your ordered breakfast is brought to you each day, much nicer than you used to make. Beautiful lunches and dinners served by folks who love their jobs and the residents. No dishes to wash, so your cute little dishwasher (just in case you decided to do some cooking) gets fairly minimal use.

What is independent living?

Let’s face it....

It’s a four-story, fairly large building, situated next to a busy highway. It used to consist of apartments, so essentially I have a full kitchen, combined dining/ living room, my own washer and dryer, and a den that I use as an office. There’s a bedroom, big enough for a single bed. 

When you go into independent retirement living you’re literally thrust into a situation where you make numerous considered daily choices to try and regain a certain balance in your life. You’re living in private, yet your meals and some activities are shared with 64 others. They don’t have to be; you can decide to retreat into your space with your food. But the downside of that is you may be losing out on making some really great friends.

The social scene

We have what can only be described as a large living room beyond the entrance to my independent living home building. Comfy, soft,  light coloured ( I don’t have to worry about cleaning them, thank goodness) chairs and sofas that invite you in, against  a backdrop of library books, and a pedal machine that you can use while reading, or whatever else.  

To complete this social space is a barista machine. Starbucks, eat your heart out. We can get any fancy drinks, or plain, at the touch of buttons, and they’re all free! A Our cooks provide cookies and other pastries, for residents, just in case you may need a snack before the next meal time.

A big basket of fresh fruit completes the picture.

Image via VickiW

Chatting to new friends is always good and interesting too. 

What do you think?

I’ve been here now for several months. Before I decided to try this independent style of living my mind had a preconceived opinion that it was one of many similar places that  folks would go to die. Yep, time to cast the old folks out and confine them to a shut in space. Out of sight, out of mind, until the funeral.

Reinforcing this idea is common in our population. It’s an unfortunate truth that our bodies do weaken in many respects as they age. Added to this is the annoyance of not being able to continue working for a wage. Often instead, you’re relegated to simply trying to make life less boring in your home, and realizing you need help with things you managed easily before.

Stay healthy!

I’m guessing though that folks don’t realize the difference between independent living and assisted living places. A qualifying mandatory medical examination by your doctor helps you understand whether you can manage this change in your living style.

Love the charity shop I’ve used to furnish this new living space! I had my original own bed, and my own recliner chair. Beyond this I was able to buy everything ( top quality) in the furnishings needed for less than $400. That didn’t include a brand new smart TV, a gift from my loving family. 

How much space do you need?

My space here is  smaller than I was used to. No question that being open and willing  to downsize is valuable, and can be a remarkably freeing experience. Just like most folks living in the outside world, you’re seeking happiness in your day to day life. But you’re the only one able to find it. It’s your very own Yin and Yang. 

Where’s the happiness?

Your happiness is unique to you. It helps to start finding it if you are able to define what you need as against what you’d like to keep. In my case for this move  I’ve stuck to this philosophy. So many things I thought I needed in the past have been donated to charity. No doubt they will fill the needs of others. 

There’s a lot to unpack here about independent living. If this interests you I’d love you to subscribe (it’s free!). That way you’ll be on my mailing newsletter each week.

Coming along beautifully!

Remember the spindly little acorn squash I put in my independent living garden bed in July after getting here? It grew! Looks like I’ll end up with four or five squash for Thanksgiving and overwintering.

July 21, planted in half my garden space

Same plant today

The other news about this is I harvested two of these lovely squash today. They will now be kept dry and warm on my little balcony before storing inside.

I knew they were mature because their skin is so hard my fingernail couldn’t penetrate! I made sure to cut a long enough piece of their withered stems that no unwelcome bacteria could enter them.

Images via VickiW

Thank you!

As always, many thanks for visiting and reading my posts, and I encourage you to share your thoughts on this week's subject in the comments!

VickiW