Childhood Trauma: Long lasting effects?

 

It’s taken all the considerable years of my lifetime for me to fully realize the lasting effects of early childhood trauma and experiences. Possibly one of the greatest places to study this is in the rich environment of a senior’s retirement facility.

There is plenty of time for reflection and recollection of early life, with all the things that gave us wisdom, sadness and joyfulness. 

How long do you remember? 

Summer Child via tilixia of Pixabay

Seems like we are programmed to remember those early experiences as long as we live and think.

First story 

I noticed one of the women who comes into the communal breakfast dining room, appeared to be quite ill. She was shaky and unable to walk well. 

It had been very hot, and I asked if she would drink some water. She looked at me in pure horror, and whispered she couldn’t drink water. I supported her to her suite. She wasn’t able to talk much, but still seemed to be dehydrated. Finally she consented to drink some orange juice from the fridge.

I explained the importance of keeping hydrated, especially with older folks, who often don’t realize they’re thirsty. Not drinking enough water causes them to slip into delirium. During hot weather especially, emergency wards fill up with patients who simply forgot to drink water! Guess what the treatment is? Rehydration with water, or if too far gone they will give you a saline drip.

Amy then told me she has never forgotten how, as a toddler, somehow she was in a large tub of water that was used to store cans of milk in the farm. barn. She remembers looking up into a light above her. She could see her dad talking to another man, and they both had their backs to her. Suddenly she also noticed her very pregnant mother running towards her screaming. But with no sound.Amy felt quite peaceful, just looking up into the lightbulb above her.

After that she doesn’t remember much. But from that day on whenever she tried to drink water from a glass she would choke. She had younger sisters who learned to swim long before her, because she couldn’t put her head under water.

Now in her eighties, in a retirement living facility, she could choose to drink juices rather than water. This made sense because even after all this time, water from a glass made her choke. Juice was okay. But even so, she would never drink very much of it.

While I was with her we found a lovely, large insulated beverage flask given to her by her brother. She filled it with water, and was amazed, delighted to find she could drink from that without choking. I don’t see her often, but I notice she always has plenty to drink. She says the flask has been a huge help.

Note on this trauma. Her children reported she had never talked about it until now, even though she had experience of emergency ward admissions in the past for dehydration.

Second story: Tender care–can the lack of it ruin a life forever?

Another of my peer group shared with me how she somehow survived a childhood with an alcoholic mother. Growing up meant a constant need to find food. No such thing as what we would call a balanced meal. Love was not spoken of or demonstrated. She first ran away into the city at 11 years of age. Police found her, scolded her and returned her to her home.

Samantha married and divorced at an early age, after bearing two sons. She would never allow them to have contact with her original family, or have any alcohol in her home. She has been rewarded by seeing her sons develop into caring and responsible people.

Samantha has continued to have major battles in her own life. The trauma experienced as a child shows in various ways even though she lives in a kind and caring situation in our retirement home now. Food and her own weight is a constant preoccupation, made even more frustrating by procrastination issues

She finds comfort by keeping her home in a state of chaos. Tidiness is threatening and uncomfortable to her.

Third story

A resident, one of 10 siblings, confided her first sight of her beloved grandmother, who presumably helped her mother stay sane. She had just a few strands of long hair, but pulled them back into a neat bun. She would gather the children in the evening and read stories to them. She was incredibly loving, kind and patient with the children. Now in old age, that memory has guided the resident to follow her modeling.

Crosby, Stills and Nash & Young: Teach Your Children Well

It is breathtaking to realize every resident here has their unique story of their own early experiences and thoughts. One of the most important things about living in this situation is the communication that happens in shared activities and talking to each other.

Retired seniors often fear living in an independent retirement facility. After a considerable time spent here, I really think it can be a very stimulating and rewarding way to live. 

I’ve made a point of asking fellow residents what they like best about living in this retirement facility. Responses are immediate, male or female. It’s the residents and staff! 

The days are getting shorter now, and darker. The smoke from hundreds of devastating wildfires has cleared. The mountains rise sharply against the ever changing skies.

I am now pulling the last of my gorgeous carrots from their container in my balcony garden. Doing a small cleanup there. The humming birds are thirsty, going from the feeder to all the flowers, as videoed in my last weeks post. 

Literally, steps away from our front door, in a busy part of town, is my ornamental garden. It is a wonderful space, carefully and skilfully tended to by my city gardeners. I just walk, appreciate and admire. 

There are benches, an incredible collection of trees and skilfully chosen shrubs, with lovely seasonal colour. It is a little park.

Images via VickiW

Thank you!

My sincere thanks for your visit to my site. You may, nor may not know it, but your participation is a great help to the independent business community!

If you have any thoughts or personal experiences with childhood trauma, please leave a comment below. I'd love read all about it!

Until next time, 

VickiW